Lately, it has been on my mind, the importance of having some sort of support group around for motherhood. When I had my first son at age 22, I was not ready for the mother role, but life brought me a baby, and a mother was what I had to be. It’s not that I wasn’t thrilled to become a mom, I just hadn’t really given motherhood a second thought, until I found I was pregnant. At the time, I had the women in my family to look to for guidance on how to take care of my new little one. My mother-in-law was absolutely wonderful. She came and stayed with us the first week of Jackson’s life. She made it the most relaxing and cozy time for getting to know our new baby. She cooked, she cleaned, she let me nap. She was amazing. But once the newness of the whole being a mom thing wore away, I was left to decide where I stood in my identity as a mother. I wanted to feel confident that I was doing a good job raising my son. I wanted to make sure I was providing all he needed to grow and be all that he has potential to be. But, having only one friend with a much older son, left me feeling alone. I had friends that were still going out and drinking every night, while I was at home caring for Jackson. Of course, spending time with my son way outranks going out for drinks, but I still felt alone. I had no friends to talk to about my struggle with breastfeeding at the beginning or how rough it was transitioning into being a mother. I look back now and realize I must have had a touch of postpartum depression. I remember doing laundry one day, and all of my clothes coming out of the dryer were sweatpants and sweatshirts. That was sort of a wake up call that I needed to make a change. It wasn’t like me to just sit at home and do nothing. So, I got a job and finally started getting used to being a mom.
Now, 4 years later, I am very confident about my identity as a mother. I attribute this to the time that has gone by, and most importantly to my support. My support comes from quite a few different places. Number one, I have a wonderful family that encourages me and praises me on how well I am doing with my children. This is so wonderful. I’m not sure how one would get by without a family like mine. Secondly, I’ve finally met some other parents that have similar parenting styles. Having a friend breastfeeding with me in public while my newborn and I were still figuring out our “rhythm” was exactly what I needed to start feeling confident about nursing my son wherever I might be. I’m a pretty modest girl, so getting used to having a little skin–that usually only my husband sees–out for anyone to see was a bit of a struggle. But, as I nursed more and more in public, I am totally comfortable with it now. And, I think it’s my duty as a breastfeeding mom to make sure I’m doing all I can to normalize it. I want other moms to see that it’s normal, and that not everyone is bottle feeding. Having friends that are doing the same things as me is very encouraging. And this goes for every mom. No matter what, moms need encouragement. And knowing friends that are going through motherhood with you is encouragement enough.
Not only have I found support from people that live nearby, but from people all over. There is a world of information and encouragement on the internet. One of my favorite bloggers just recently posted an article that inspired me to write this post. And everyday, I can find something that someone has written that coincides with what I’ve been doing as a mother or provokes a thought of how I feel about a certain topic. Some of the online communities I have found are wonderful support for moms. I’ve also fell in love with Mothering magazine. The same things I find online are in this magazine–words of encouragement, unique stories from other mothers, and so many resources.
My point in writing this post is to emphasize the necessity of a support group. Whether it be family, friends, literature, or an online community, we, as mothers all need it. Because once we are secure with our identity as a mother and are convinced that we are doing a great job at raising our babies, we truly will be bringing up our children to the best of our abilities.
Tags: support for mothers
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